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Why Can`t You Just Say `Not Interested?`

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How To Score at A Singles Event

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How To Score at A Singles Event

By now, many of us have attended a singles event. Speed Dating, Singles Dinners, Lock & Key Parties. To quote my favorite after school special, “Everyone is Doing It.” But did you know that there is a right way and a wrong way to act at a singles event? Yep. It’s true. After coordinating and managing about 200 different events like this, I’ve seen plenty. The good. The great. The sexy. The just plain foolish. Below is a list of Do’s and Don’ts that I’d like to pass on to you.

Read It. Learn It. Live It.

Do Step Away From The Cell Phone. Got a big conference call? Wondering where your friend is? Uh huh. Okay. Make the call BEFORE you arrive at the venue. Once you’re inside, turn it off. Nothing screams “rude and pretentious” like someone talking on their cell-phone while at a party. The message you’re sending to people around you is, “I’m not interested in talking to you.” Not a great first impression.

Don’t Travel In A Pack. People in general fear rejection. Approach one person is daunting enough, but three or four? Terrifying. You could be the hottest, sweetest, most amazing person in the room but if you’re surrounded by what looks like a posse of personal handlers, you’ll be sipping cocktails by your lonesome. Want a friend along for moral support? Hat’s cool. But bring more than two people with you and you’ll be staring at each other’s faces all night. The chance of being dismissed by one person can make anyone break out in a sweat. But four? Uh uh. Some people would rather stick their tongue in a fan.

Do Keep Your Opinions To Yourself. If you were at a party of a co-worker or friend, would you EVER toss around critical opinions of the guests while within their earshot? No, you wouldn’t. First, the person you’re dissing might hear you and you could end up hurting their feelings. Second, you’ll definitely be overheard by someone and branded a jerk.

Don’t Drink Too Much. This is sort of a no brainer.

Do Be Self-Aware. What we mean to say is often not what someone else hears. Intention is not nearly as important as Perception. “But I was just being funny!” you say. Well, maybe your comments are entertaining to people who know you and who know you’re a good person. But someone you meet for the first time may not. Don’t expect people to cut you slack, because they likely won’t. Ask a friend to give you honest feedback as to how you come across and what sort of impression you make. Your friends love you and want you to be happy. They’ll be honest. It might sting a bit, but you’ll thank them.

Keep In Mind That “Outgoing” And “Aggressive” Are Two Very Different Things. Smiling and saying hello to someone first makes you outgoing. Firing questions at them and following them around makes you aggressive. Making light conversation is outgoing. Challenging or debating with someone makes you aggressive.

Don’t Bring An Attitude With You. Nothing turns people off more than an “I’m better than you/You’re not good enough for me” attitude. Most people pick right up on it, too, so don’t think for a second you can mask it with a smile. Your body language, inflection in your voice and conversation will give you away. If you feel like you don’t “belong” at a singles event or think you’re “above” it, please stay home. I ask this as a singles event services business owner and a fellow event-goer. That sort of attitude spreads through a room like a virus. It just takes one unpleasant person to ruin the overall vibe at a singles event. The fact is that, for whatever reason, you’re single. How you look, how you dress, where you vacation, how much money you make means nothing once you step into that room. Lose the ‘tude or plan on standing at the bar by yourself all night.

Do Attend By Yourself. The chances of meeting someone at a singles event doubles if you go it alone. It’s not like going to a bar on a Friday night by yourself. Everyone at a singles event is attending because they want to meet people. The jig is up. You’re secret is out the minute you enter. You’re single. Don’t feel self conscious about it. If anything, you’ll appear
more confident. And, as we know, confidence is sexy. Waiting for a friend to arrive? Walk in a grab a drink. Pacing back and forth in front of the venue, hanging out side talking on your cell phone and sticking close to the door way will just make you appear anxious. Go it alone. You’re a Big Girl/Boy. Come on, you know you have it in ya…

Don’t Kid Yourself. Most singles, whether they know it or not, have been to a singles event. Don’t be fooled by the term “Young Professionals Party” or “Networking Event.” That’s usually just code for “meet market.” To me, that seems sort of weak. What’s wrong with being single and saying, “Hey, I’m interested in meeting someone?” You never really know who’s single, and you could end up chatting away with someone who’s already taken. At least at a singles event, you KNOW the person is single. Don’t you want someone who’s willing to put themselves out there and actually SAY that they’re hoping to meet someone?

Do Dress Appropriately. Wear something that you’re comfortable and confident in, keeping in mind the Intention versus Perception idea. No t-shirts, no sneakers, no flip-flops. Leave the more suggestive outfits at home (unless that’s…ummm..what you’re looking for.) How you dress is a direct reflection of how you feel about yourself. Whether you like it or not, you do have to try a little bit to impress people. Looking unkempt tells people you don’t care about yourself. If they don’t think you care about yourself, how can you convince them that you could care about them?

Don’t Case The Joint. From time to time, I see people lurking outside the bar or party location. I know what they’re doing. They’re watching to see the type of people that walk in. Either you’re willing to take the risk or you’re not. Don’t ever think that other people don’t know what you’re doing. Other guests will brand you as shallow before you even check in.

Do Take A Risk. Dating and relationships are all about putting yourself out there. If you aren’t willing to take a chance and attend a singles event, you may not be ready to have a relationship. Allow yourself to be led. You never know what’s in store for you. Don’t let your fear or insecurity prevent you from giving a singles event a try. You’d be surprised at who you might meet. Last night, two Boston Red Sox players made a guest appearance at my company’s Singles Bartending Class. See? You just never know what can happen.

Publication: Moxie's Featured Column on SavvyInsider.com
Website: http://www.savvyinsider.com/article.php?op=viewArticle&article_ID=293
2005-09-01

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How To Score at A Singles Event